sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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