I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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