We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
