Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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