i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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