I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
