dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Terrible idea I love it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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