He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
