But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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