billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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