this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
