My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
