Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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