Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Quick, to the slutcave!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
