I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
