oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
