as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
