I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
