Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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