found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Randomize
