If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think my mom watched the whole time
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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