you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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