Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
