So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
