Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
