if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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