you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
