My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
