as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
