A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
