We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
