My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
