I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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