Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
