Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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