I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Randomize
