dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
