need another drink. this is the easiest way
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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