I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
