Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
