do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
