if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
