I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
