The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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