What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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