I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
