Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
