I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
