He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
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masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
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Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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