So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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