Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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