There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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