I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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