There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
