he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
