dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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