i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
