even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
