I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
