The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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