Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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